There are hundreds of jokes about sex we have listed
just a few.
"If women didn't exist, all
the money in the world would have no meaning".
Aristotle Onassis
"The great question...
which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?"
Freud
"A dirty book is rarely
dusty". - Author Unknown
A student undergoing a word-association test was
asked why a snowstorm put him in mind of sex. He replied frankly:
"Because everything does." - Honor Tracy
"I'd like to
meet the man who invented sex and see what he's working on now". -
Author Unknown
"
Don't
worry, it only seems kinky the first time". - Author Unknown
"Men reach their
sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get
the feeling that God is playing a practical joke"? - Rita Rudner
"Men reach their
sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get
the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?" - Rita Rudner
"I know nothing about sex,
because I was always married" - Zsa Zsa Gabor
"I thank God I was raised
Catholic, so sex will always be dirty". - John Waters
"Why should we take advice
on sex from the Pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't!" -
George Bernard Shaw
"Sex is emotion in motion."
- Mae West
"If
you use the electric vibrator near water, you will come and go at the
same time". -
Louise Sammons
"The good thing
about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it". -
Truman Capote
"Love is the
answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty
good questions"! - - Woody Allen
"Contraceptives should be
used on every conceivable occasion".
- Spike Milligan
"It's
so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."
-
Joan Rivers
"When I'm good I'm very, very good but when I'm bad I'm better."
-
Mae West.
When
the surgeon came to see her on the morning after her operation, the
young woman asked her somewhat hesitantly how long it would be before
she could resume her sex life. "I really haven't thought about it,"
gulped the stunned surgeon. "You're the first patient who's asked me
that after a tonsillectomy!"
"My husband's German. Every
night I get dressed up as Poland and he invades me." — Bette
Midler.
"Sex is one of the nine reasons
for reincarnation... The other eight are unimportant." — Henry
Miller.
"If
all the young ladies who attended the Yale promenade dance were laid end
to end, no one would be the least surprised." —
Dorothy
Parker (1893—1967), US writer.
"Sex
appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got." — Sophia
Loren.
"If you don't
enjoy masturbation, you only have yourself to blame."
-
Author
Unknown
"Sex is like
anything else; if you want it done right you have to do it yourself."
-
Author Unknown
"I'm a terrible lover. I've actually given a
woman an anti-climax." - Scott Roeben
"I think sex is better than logic, but I
can't prove it." - Anonymous
Sex is identical to comedy in that it
involves timing." - Phyllis Diller
"One half of the world cannot understand the
pleasures of the other." - Jane Austen
Let's forget about the six feet and talk about the
seven inches. -
Mae West, on being told that a new male
acquaintance was 6'7"
Outside of every thin woman is a fat man trying to
get in.
- Katherine Whitehorn
I can't mate in
captivity. - Gloria Steinem, in answer to the question why she
never married
If it is not erotic, it is not interesting. - Fernando
Arrabal
Losing my virginity was a career move. - Madonna
"The important thing in acting
is to laugh and cry. If I have to cry, I think of my sex life. If I
have to laugh, I think of my sex life"
Glenda Jackson
"I don't try to be a sex bomb. I am one"
Kylie Minogue
